The problem

Okay, I admit it. I have a problem. I have passively tried to seek help but it hasn't worked. Everyone seems to think I am doing fine and I'm over it. But I'm not. I can't shake this one. I can't push it down deep like the rest of the crap and hope that it goes away. Its not. And it won't.

I'm not myself anymore. I dont feel happiness like I use to. One of my friends asked me the other day if I ever laughed. She said I'm not laughing like I use to. Not laughing at all. But I can't be fake. And I can't control the situations. I dont know when it will hit and I feel like I can't breath. I feel trapped and anxious. Makes planning get togethers with friends hard.

Dont get me wrong. I still love my life and the people in it. Its just one of those things where getting out of bed is sometimes (often) hard. Being motivated to do anything is rare. I feel like my mind is drained of ideas or thoughts. I could sit and stare for hours. If you know me, you know that isn't me.

I stopped drinking coffee. I started better eating habits, been exercising on a regularly. These things didnt seem to help.

Blah. It will get better. Someone told me to focus on the positve things, think about the blessing and the happiness in life. I guess I'll keep trying to do that. And one day, eventually I'll come back to life.